Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
