Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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