He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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