I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
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I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
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I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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