As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
