chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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