I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
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