Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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