it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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