Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
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is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
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What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?