So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
