I feel like abortions should bother me more
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
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The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
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No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...