We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.