If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
