and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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