my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
