help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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