just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
