just tell him i said nine months
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
