i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
