I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
