You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
