Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
