I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
