It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
