yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
