just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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