Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
