Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
