smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
