what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
