your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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