This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
either way he was missing a nipple.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
