need another drink. this is the easiest way
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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