You work out of a Hotel?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
