Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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