just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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