I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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