He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
