it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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