I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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