I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
