yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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