He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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