he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
