I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
