everyone is single if you try hard enough
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
