I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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