so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
