Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
