Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
