I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
