i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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