Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
