I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
