I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
i believe in u and ur pee
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