Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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