Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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