omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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