You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
