I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I believe in your delicious
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
