Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
