I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
