I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
We are two peas in an std pod
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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