i just google imaged poop.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
being pregnant is like rehab
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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