we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
