I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
my shit smells like andre
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
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