I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
