my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
