So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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