So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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