his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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