I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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