that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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