i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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