the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Randomize
