I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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