Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
