We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
