I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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