What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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