Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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