you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
