Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
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You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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