So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
