There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
