I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
