As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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