We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
